Equality: More Women Needed in Hazardous Jobs
There are too many male programmers! Sexism, sexism, sexism. There are too many Evil White Men™ in other cushy jobs! Blah, blah, blah. These hamster rationalizations echo throughout the land in a clinically insane society. We all know the screeching won’t stop until women get what they want. What if we collectively said fine, let’s keep forcing men out of those positions. But, not forgetting, ladies that privilege also comes with responsibility. It’s not all fun and games when you have a penis, nor when you want to be treated like you have one.
After all, to be paid the same as a man you have to be willing to take the same risks and put up with the same hazards men do on the job. We desperately need volunteers to take the load off men in construction, frontline combat roles, and other deadly jobs. By lending a helping hand, you can help boost male longevity so we can finally achieve the same level of life expectancy you have enjoyed in that measure since, well, time began. Men can then move into jobs traditionally enjoyed by mostly women, such as teaching, nursing, bookkeeping, and being a secretary. We men want a taste of that equality pie you are baking, too.
Here’s a list the ladies can sign up for to prove to everyone how equal and how great they are, and how willing they are to put themselves on the line for a paycheck. While men transition out of being on the front lines of Dirty Jobs, women can transition into the dirty and dangerous jobs left behind. A listing of the 10 deadliest jobs (which incidentally, employ mostly “disposable” men) follow.
10. Construction Laborers. There were around 220 annual deaths in this field. So, the encouraging thing about being a blue collar worker in this field is the chances are fairly decent you won’t die while you are busting your balls… er… ovaries lifting heavy things, climbing scaffolding, digging ditches, and performing other interesting tasks. You may, however, wear out your body prematurely and find it harder to attract men who value healthy looking women. YouGoGrrl! Pick up that jackhammer and work it, girlfriend.
9. Electrical Workers. Good news…great pay! But, there are more deaths per capita than construction workers, which is why this job ranks number nine on the list. Sad face. Also, death will likely be a good bit more painful if you touch a live wire as anywhere from a few thousand to a few hundred thousand amps of raw electrical energy course through your empowered body. And, you get to climb utility poles and pull heavy cables all day. It’s win, win on your way to achieving that equal paycheck. As mentioned before, electrical line workers are well compensated.
8. Farmers, ranchers, agricultural workers. An empowered life on the farm milking cattle, producing vegetables and fruits, and watching after livestock. Oh, the wonders of food production. However, it does carry risk as it is eight on the list of deadliest jobs when looked at on a per capita basis. Feminists really need to get their hands dirty performing such tasks as shoveling manure and other sorts of fun on the farm to show us they really believe in being equal to men.
7. Truckers. Becoming a truck driving mama is another wonderful career potential for the woman who doesn’t want to be sexist. But, you have to drive a lot, a whole lot, and often it is in snowy, icy, stormy, or other undesirable conditions. You’ll be hauling loads of materialism all over the nation to distribute to other empowered women, often as long as 14 hours a day. However, this is another job in which a larger than average number people die while hauling loads of consumerism. But none of that should matter to someone demanding to be treated like a man.
5. Garbage collectors. Remember the materialism brought in by the truck drivers listed above? Somebody needs to take all those empty Maybelline containers and other assorted junk to the landfill once they’re consumed. Since the consumer economy is 80% female driven in the America, you can help empower your sisters in the fight against men by helping get rid of the important things women consume and then discard. A word of caution though: this job is the fifth most dangerous with a high number of deaths per capita.
4. Roofers. It is sexist to think men should be the only ones up on a hot roof on a 110 degree afternoon pouring molten tar and driving nails into roofs. Put on a pair of Levi’s, and jump up there with them. Be careful not to fall off, it would be a shame to see you tumbling to your death as so many men do when they assume this dangerous, if well paid job. It’s not all roses and daisies in the real world, despite what the professional liars in the media tell everyone.
3. Aircraft pilots. This is probably the most glorified profession out of this entire list. Imagine, winging your way across America come mud, flood, hail, or high water in a large aircraft filled with hundreds of people or thousands of packages. Be careful though, even though this seems like a great career a lot of people die working in it. There’s always the risk that plane could come crashing down if you make the slightest error in judgement.
2. Fishers. Live out Deadliest Catch for yourself! Consistently rated one of the most dangerous jobs out there, fishermen (and now thanks to you, fisherwomen!) put their lives on the line in turbulent waters and far from their family and friends to send quality seafood back to shore. These heroes help fill America’s gullet with a neverending supply of fish, crab, and other catches. Best of all, you’ll know what it took to bring you this wonderful plate of seafood that your Beta male date paid for.
1. Logging workers. Timber! Watch out for that falling tree! A whopping 91.3 per 100,000 employees will die as they produce lumber for the McMansions you treasure. You can help cut those trees down and bust your butt in everything from freezing cold to scorching hot weather. It’s a deadly job, and unfortunately it doesn’t pay all that much with a median salary of only $33,000. But it’s not about money, right? It’s about empowerment and showing those men who’s boss!
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Be sure to tell all your girlfriends about this as they begin to think about careers. There also needs to be a task force developed educate school guidance counselors on how there are severe shortages of women in most of these fields. Why try to force men out of computer programming jobs when you can become a logger, roofer, or garbage collector? The days of sexism are over. These deadly jobs are not just men’s jobs any longer.
Meantime, as you take over the levers of society men like us can kick back, relax, and enjoy lives pool side because we won’t need to work as hard anymore. Men can live on less than women, and men are encouraged by this humble publication as well as many others to stop feeding the materialism machine to impress women and keep them around. I gladly assumed the terrible life you ran away from, staying at home and taking care of things here. Instead of going to an office and kissing corporate ass every day, I stay at home and run a couple of businesses from there. I even cook!
Trading places actually seems like a great move towards progress for me. You can have all the danger and I’ll stay here and sip cocktails poolside.
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