Reader Request: How Does a Red Pill Man Find Other Awakened Men?


Not every man can exit Plato’s Cave

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Erik writes:

How does a red pill man find his own tribe (other men) in this world?

It’s a blue pill world, and by the time you are in your 30s and 40s, you may not have the same extensive social network you once had in your teens and 20s. Old friends change, move for work, get married, etc.

I’m a mountaineer, and for several years I worked hard to create and maintain friendships based upon that hobby. I was the guy putting trips together, helping newcomers to the sport, etc. But many men are beholden to their LTRs/wives in a way that prevents them from serving their own interests. Guys get shit tested a lot and they end up choosing activities that are more domestic.

So, how do you find your own tribe? Are some men better off as a lone wolf?

First off, congratulations to Erik for mastering such a masculine, wellness generating hobby as mountain climbing.

This is no doubt a conundrum many men will find themselves in as they become Red Pill aware.

As an awakened man finds himself no longer under the spell of the shadows in Plato’s cave and begins exiting The Anglo-American Matrix mentally and spiritually, there will no doubt be tension between him and the men who still seek unicorns for love and marriage, who pedestalize women, and believe in politicians and the mainstream media.

For those who aren’t already familiar with it, Plato’s Allegory of the Cave shows us there have been a class of men like us in the manosphere who have searched for the light of truth no matter where it may lead for thousands of years, rather than living lives in the dark as the masses do. The allegory is presented in Plato’s Republic:

Plato describes a group of people who have lived chained to the wall of a cave all of their lives, facing a blank wall. The people watch shadows projected on the wall from objects passing in front of a fire behind them, and give names to these shadows. The shadows are the prisoners’ reality. Socrates explains how the philosopher is like a prisoner who is freed from the cave and comes to understand that the shadows on the wall are not reality at all, for he can perceive the true form of reality rather than the manufactured reality that is the shadows seen by the prisoners. The inmates of this place do not even desire to leave their prison; for they know no better life.

A number of lessons can be gleaned from this allegory when compared and contrasted alongside the modern life of an awakened man.

As you begin to see beyond the shadows, Blue Pill friends will inevitably drift away from and even avoid you because they’re still under the illusion of the myths society creates to keep the average man in line. Scorn will also be heaped upon you by those who cannot see beyond the shadows…those such as feminists, SJWs, White Knights, etc.

Feminists will also despise you as they see you as a threat to their well-established con game.

In this regard, while becoming a Red Pill man is extremely liberating, it can also be very isolating in that we will always be a minority amongst men and will never be able to talk openly about what we know with those still under the spell of the mythmakers. Their power is a strong (or stronger) now than it was 2,000 years ago as we find ourselves trapped in an Age of Public Relations and Propaganda.

Thankfully, the Internet provides a meeting place, a refuge for the Red Pill man. We can also choose to spend our time doing activities and in places where there are men who think like us. I’ve personally found a large number of expat men are of the same overall mentality as me.

Many of us likely will end up as lone wolves in some way as in my personal life I’ve found I can only go so far with Red Pill knowledge with most of my friends. Some are tolerant of th unpopular truths we accept as reality, while others are scared to death by them.

Some men will just never be able to make the leap and be a strong willed man rather than a pushover Beta male. I’ve personally seen this happen with a close friend of mine, who was frivorce raped but still allows women he dates to have control over him to this day.


Many men never stop clinging to “mommy’s” apron and this makes them weak in the eyes of women

Beholden to Women, Clinging to the Apron

Erik goes on to share a personal story about how Blue Pill men often completely lose themselves in a relationship. This provides a good cautionary tale for other men out there about not letting women assume control over you.

An acquaintance in Denver approached me and said he thought he’d be interested in climbing mountains (based upon my reputation).  His LTR said, “Sure, do it.”  The guy is a highly motivated professional and I helped him select gear, train physically, and learn backcountry skills such as navigation, camping, rope handling, etc.

I set a goal with my new friend, a mountain we’d climb together after a couple trips of shorter duration to train and practice working together.  The entire ramp up to the big goal was about 12 months in duration.  This activity did not take over his life; We did three weekend trips together in 12 months to train and test equipment, he was generally in charge of his own progression.

This guy was loving every second of it.  Initially, his wife supported it.  My friend ran, lifted weights, completed a short course offered by a local organization, and tested gear and techniques.  But as we got close to the big goal, and she was still overweight by about 20 pounds, she started shit testing him.

  • “You can’t just leave me alone for a full week . . .”
  • “I don’t know if you’re in good enough shape for this . . .”
  • “Don’t you have stuff to do around the house . . .”

I tried to coach him a little, but he failed those shit tests.

There’s an important lesson here.

A woman will always try to push a man around to see what he’s made of. The best a man can do is to be firm with his decisions, be self-serving, and make his own decisions rather than succumbing to fleeting female desires.

In short, it pays dividends to be an asshole.

Women respect assholes. They loathe Beta males who let women make their decisions for them. Guys should know women don’t know what they want most of the time anyway, and have to be informed of what their opinion is by a strong willed man. (Unfortunately, the media have assumed the role of decision maker for women today, taking it away from men who have grown progressively weaker in the last 50 years.)

Continuing from Erik’s story, his acquaintance got weak in the knees after his wife started badgering his decison to pursue mountain climbing adventures and self-improvement:

In the end, we managed to do the big trip together, we summited the mountain, but he was a mental wreck.

No doubt he didn’t know what to do because she intensified the shit tests mentioned above. Beta males will always default to a position in which they allow women unwarranted influence over their personal lives.

This woman sounds like a typical Anglobitch, who spins about three or four different narratives at once. Women like this often stir up controversy just to see where the cards fall.

While she creates self-doubt in her husband and her plan to make him stop mountain climbing succeeds, deep down inside she begins to loathe him because no woman respects a weak, pussy-whipped man.

During the end of that year I had a plate who got to know my friend’s wife (very briefly.)  Oddly enough, the wife told my plate a couple times that my friend was a “nuisance” around the house, sex with him was boring (“He climbs on top of me missionary!”) and she wished he would “do something for himself, to be more interesting.” THIS, DURING THE TIME SHE WAS SHIT TESTING HIM.

Notice, this female shit testing her man – trying to get him to doubt himself and cling to her apron – while at the same time complaining about him doing exactly what she wants him to do!

What a twisted universe the female mind is.

After first doubting her husband, then complaining because he obviously didn’t pass her shit test, she then goes on to make a pass at Erik!

I ran into my friend’s wife once downtown.  She walked real close to me and said, “______ just sits on the couch.  I wish he was as devoted to something as you are.”  In that moment I felt I could have slept with her.  I decided to keep that to myself.  These women, they get the Beta males they asked for.

The story ends in a predictable way.

In the end, he said he was just too busy at work to climb anymore. He seems happy to be under her dominion.  I can’t climb with a guy like that.  We have nothing in common.

This story is a tragedy that plays out countless times. Men, so motivated by a desire for regular sex and female companionship make way too many concessions to women who enjoy pushing weak Beta males around. This is not a good position for a man to be in.

His fear of losing his woman will actually make him lose his woman by supplicating to her wishes.

In many ways, there’s just no helping a guy like this as they’ll only get angry at you for challenging the cultural indoctrination that makes them behave in such a manner.

In short, my answer to Erik is we can lead a horse to water but we can’t make him drink. We can try to wake men up with daily doses and small, bite size portions of Red Pill knowledge. It’s up to them to use it to make change in their lives.

In the meantime, taking a live and let live approach has helped me deal with this conundrum. I live my life the way I see fit, and so should other awakened men. But we have to accept some guys are just not salvageable, and that we who escape the mind control surrounding us will always be isolated in some way.

Traveling to locations that have lots of expats has been the best way I’ve found so far to meet other awakened individuals face to face. Expats seem to intuitively know what lies we are surrounded by, and many are fleeing feminist dominated nations and sexual repression. And of course, on men’s web sites like Return of Kings, The Savage Lifestyle and this one offer places to meet and discuss ideas with other Red Pill guys. That’s about all we have for the time being, unfortunately.

Not every man is capable of exiting the cave, or letting go of the apron. Our decision is to become another sheepish follower, or a lone wolf who does whatever he wants.

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  • Backdoor to Hollywood

    Great article!! This website definitely deserves more traction because of its high-quality content!


  • First time poster here. I hear you guys. It can be rough. I’m a red pill male with mgtow tendencies traveling in South America (Colombia) at the moment and it is isolating at times. I agree with Rel that the expat community tends to know more about the nature of women and the self parody that is the modern West. I have a few expat friends here and I sometimes serve as a translator for them porque puedo hablar y entender espanol bastante bien. They’re always good for a proper discussion on these topics.

    But we’re not really that alone. Most every guy (and girl) knows the truth deep down but they just don’t want to admit it. Feel free to speak the truth like a boss. You have all the scientific and anecdotal experience on your side. Sure, others will likely deny that women are like that and they’ll come up with all types of tortured logic and revisionist personal history to support them but it’s no skin off your ass.

    I avoid ROK because it’s a bit too crazy. Especially the comments. Holy shit.


    • ” . . . self parody that is the modern West.”

      Heh, well said. Return of Kings features a lot of different authors and I find varying levels of quality there. Relampago Furioso/New Modern Man is one of the best. Rollo Tomassi is great for his scientific (evolutionary biology) approach to men and women.


    • +Vagabundo

      Great comment, dude! But I will offer a word of caution regarding “feel free to speak the truth like a boss”, particularly in the Anglosphere.

      In my experience I have found that people hold “truth” of the self-delusional kind as the most sacrosanct thing in their lives. It all boils down to protection of the ego – often times in a scorched earth, take no prisoners, attack in its defense. Fact based truth has no meaning to people when the red has been licked off their candy.

      Case in point. The first ex-wife and I were arguing about something inane and she made a statement that made absolutely zero sense. I told her that her statement had nothing to do with reality. She responded with something I thought at the time was the most insane statement I had ever heard. She said, “If that’s how I feel then it is reality to me”. I have since learned that in the sphere of human interaction that her statement was in fact a deeply profound truth about people.

      People hate fact based truth with a passion for the simple reason that fact based truth is often in direct conflict with their ego driven internal delusions. Once this universal human “truism” dawned on me, I tried very hard to live it by never attacking a person’s self-delusions.

      Five years ago I violated that rule, licked the red off her candy, and ended up with a second ex-wife. Her ego demanded revenge in spades and, man-o-man, did she ever get it, but that is another story.

      I never talk about the Red Pill anymore. I have first hand experience with the absolute evil the Blue Pill world will deploy against a heretic, out of the blue with no warning, in defense of the orthodoxy, all without batting an eye and sleeping well at night swaddled in the smugness of their own delusions. I have no intention of ever again exposing myself to their wrath, hence I’m a MGTOW ghost monk. Don’t put yourself in a position get yourself on their radar, my friend.

      Just a word of caution from a veteran of the sausage grinder. Happy travelling – may the women be hot, the beers be cold, and the wind always at your back. Cheers.


  • Rel,

    Thank you for this article. Excellent, excellent material. Plato will be next up on my reading list. Allegory of the Cave: Feels like I have been in that cave, wondering why other men are not walking outside. Puts everything into perspective. And you gave some actionable suggestions. Love the idea of taking some dollars to another country.

    Jack Ronin and John Smith – Appreciate your thoughts. Again, great actionable suggestions. Jack, I think you are right about pursuing more risk sports. It’s where I am happiest. I’ve been itching to dust off my scuba gear and do an extended trip to the islands.




  • +Erik

    Another excellent article on TNMM. However, I don’t think you answered Erik’s question.

    I have been a ghost monk for a little over five years now. I tried talking to my nephews about the dangers of women in the 21st century and how MGTOW is the path to a happy, healthy, successful life all to no avail, in fact they all think I’m crazy.

    I live the lifestyle faithfully and keep my opinions to myself. I am very comfortable in my own skin and can honestly say I do not miss the social farce of the blue pill world at all. However, and I believe Erik feels the same, I do long for the camaraderie of like minded Red Pill men to share a drink with.

    The problem, and I have posted this many times, is that letting it be known you are MGTOW or Red Pill is social and, more importantly, career suicide. Most men, particularly the tradcons, are so heavily invested in the bill pill orthodoxy they can not and will not tolerate the heresy of the Red Pill. Of course, women of all stripes will socially crucify you if they find out your true position on things.

    I do have a suggestion on how to connect with a high degree of safety with like minded men. This has worked for me in the past for private internet correspondence but I have yet to try it for a real world face to face. The technique is to encounter someone on a site such as this and suggest they post a throwaway E-mail address that you will respond to with a keeper address of your own. Now you have a non-public line of communication opened.

    The odds of connecting on-line with an individual in this manner in your geographical area is slim, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

    I would put my money where my mouth is by trying this technique with you on this site but cannot for safety reasons. I recently got into an internet brawl with a TNMM guest writer I will not name who has threatened to “beat my ass” more than once in his comments. I believe the psycho would track me down if he could and I really don’t need a manslaughter rap for popping a cap in his ass in self defense. Point being, you can never be too careful, even on Red Pill sites. You never know who the trolls and psychos are.

    Perhaps the way of the Red Pill is meant to be a solitary one. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with quiet and ain’t nothin’ wrong with being alone. Good luck, and Cheers.


  • To Erik,

    The mountaineer thing sounds like a pretty bad ass sport/hobby. I would recommend trying out some other masculine sports and such to connect with other vigorous kinds of men. You may have them be more than willing to try the mountaineer thing. Also you might find yourself enjoying the new sport/hobby.

    I wouldn’t be too upset about the lack of strong men you are finding. It’s just nor normal anymore to find these kinds of men. We are truly a tiny but elite fraction of the male population. Instead of allowing this have you feeling down. You should feel special and unique for reaching the top percentile of all males.

    I think areas that involve high thrills and risk is where you will find other like minded males. So again, don’t be down. Be uplifted that you are indeed the kind of man that is an absolute rarity. Be confident in this and the skills you have. Other men who might be on the fence will be drawn to a man who has some answers.

    I’m sure you know this by now but don’t waste any more time on these weak beta men. They will do just as the one in the article did. Crawl back t their skank tail tucked and brow beaten. We know you can’t turn a ho into a housewife. Likewise you cant turn a domesticated little lapdog into a wolf either.


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