Do Americans Fuck Food Rather than Each Other?

Does repressing the human sexual appetite mean people double their pleasure with food?

Before we get started, the headline is a bit of a joke. But, all good humor contains at least a grain of truth at its nucleus. We all know Americans don’t literally have sex with food. But, do they glean some sort of subconscious sexual fulfillment from it? Are we witnessing transference of sublimated sexual desire emerging as a raging lust for food?

After all, in America food flows like water and there’s no shame in being a fatass. But the sexual landscape is a dry, dry desert for many men, and there’s plenty of shame for being a horny, lonely man.

Have you listened to how Americans talk about and experience food? The passion they have for eating is disturbing to those who aren’t obsessed with figuratively fucking their next meal. This is, after all, already the fattest and most-food obsessed nation on the planet. Despite people being fat as horses,”excess” doesn’t seem to enter the American lexicon when it comes to food cravings.

One of the only reliable, “safe” conversation topics across diverse crowds centers around comparing and contrasting cheeseburgers, ribs, steaks, pancakes, and other eats as if eating is the sole source of sensual pleasure in otherwise bleak lives spent toiling on the corporate plantation. The obesity epidemic and health crisis brought on by excessive eating doesn’t deter or even slow Americans down at the lunch counter or dinner table.

Food advertising is everywhere, tempting people to whet their appetite with new and novel (and mostly crappy) creations. There are fast food restaurants on every corner, but nowhere to find a quickie since prostitution is illegal. For those looking for non-pros, prudish women turn sex into a hidden, hush-hush commodity, a cultural taboo for most men (the infamous 80/20 rule applies) rather than a psychological need and recreational activity that’s considered a normal part of life.

People don’t eat to live, they live to eat in America. Food delights them. It satisfies a “craving” deep inside. Comedian George Carlin famously told audiences:

If you were selling sautéed raccon’s assholes on a stick, Americans would buy them, and eat them. They’ll eat anything! Anything! Anything!

Indeed, there are 620,000 restaurants in the U.S. alone, but only a few dozen brothels in Nevada. “Johns” are treated like subhuman animals by the police state for wanting a screw, and yet fat acceptance has made it politically incorrect to criticize Bertha for weighing 350 lbs even as she crams corn dogs, french fries, and lemon creme pies into her mouth. Poorly made hamburgers and fries are cultural icons. But, why do Americans get so turned on by food?

One can at least propose the idea that decadent meals have become a means of gratifying the Freudian id, the pleasure-seeking compenent of human psychology. Because actually seeking sex and having sex has become taboo, especially for heterosexuals, eating has been transformed into a pseudo-sexual experience in a culture that has made sex itself something to be ashamed of. (When it comes to actually having sex, not watching it on TV or making jokes about it. Big difference.)

Americans use sensual language in food descriptions and in food advertising, and even go so far as to mix sexual and culinary terms in common parlance. Such words and phrases are used to describe food, but contain erotic overtones. “Foodgasm” and “food porn” are only two such examples. Ooooh, mmmm, aaaah. The classic NBC series Seinfeld even touched on the sexual nature of food in one of its episodes, The Mango. Elaine appears to have an orgasm as she finishes dessert. Of course, Jerry wonders if she’s faking it or not.

Ironically, EatNorth columnist (and white girl) Mallory Frayn brought up this very topic on the popular food web site. She focuses on Freudian psychology in her article, particularly oral fixation.

Take our fascination with food porn, for example. How does eating – or even simply looking at food – become such an intimate activity? Maybe we are all stuck in the first — the oral — stage, causing food to be the primary focus.

She then admits to obsessing over food, as pretty much every office drone I ever worked with in corporate America did. One only need bring up the topic of food in a crowd of Americans, and stand back in disbelief at the pleasure people would take talking about fulfilling their deepest, darkest desires by fucking…er…eating. Frayn writes a line that is typical of many in Anglo culture, describing what one would hear in a typical food-inspired conversation:

I am always thinking about food, whether it be making it or eating it.

Frayn then attempts to marginalize Freud in typical white girl fashion (they always heap scorn upon intellectuals and creative men), either willfully ignorant or oblivious to the fact his school of psychology is used to manipulate and control hundreds of millions, if not billions of people the world over. The following statement is about at SWPL as it gets.

I am not so sure that the obsession stems from a conflict with breast feeding, which is how Freud saw it. This guy was crazy, I’m telling you!

Since it’s easier to eat to excess than it is to get laid in Anglo culture, could it be that Americans have developed a collective oral neurosis as living in a sexually repressive culture causes them to get stuck in the oral stage of Freudian development, never quite advancing past the oral stage and certainly never past the genital stage?

Interestingly, America is near the bottom of the list of nations in the percentage of people who have sex at least once a week. Only around half of Americans get laid once a week, which means their sublimated sexual desires are either disappearing (not likely) or coming out in other ways. (Like at the buffet.) Let’s look at some interesting data from a Harris Interactive study done for Durex brand condoms. Not surprisingly, people aren’t going without in Latin America and the Mediterranean. They are going out in the U.S. and Western Europe. (But even the U.S. isn’t doing as poorly as Japan when it comes to the horizontal mambo.)

Percentages of people getting laid at least once a week:

  • Greece 87%
  • Brazil 82%
  • Russia 80%
  • China 78%
  • Italy 76%
  • Poland 76%
  • Malaysia 74%
  • Switzerland 72%
  • Spain 72%
  • Mexico 71%
  • South Africa 71%
  • France 70%
  • Austria 70%
  • Germany 68%
  • India 68%
  • Thailand 65%
  • New Zealand 63%
  • Netherlands 63%
  • Hong Kong 62%
  • Singapore 62%
  • Australia 60%
  • Canada 59%
  • United Kingdom 55%
  • Nigeria 53%
  • United States 53%
  • Japan 34%

Those are some bleak statistics for the Anglosphere. Australia, Canada, the UK, and the US are all near the bottom of the list when it comes to getting some regular nookie. But, Americans manage to eat out an average of 4.5 times per week with an average tab of $36, according to Zagat. What’s more, 69% of Americans are overweight and 36% are obese, but that doesn’t slow them down when it comes to getting off at dinner.

The blurry lines between culinary delights and sexual pleasure can be found virtually anywhere one looks in America. As an example, food critic Trevor M. on Yelp! touched on the sexual component of food as he compiled a list, not of his favorite bangs but the most “satisfying” places to have a meal.

Food and Sex have been linked into our sub-conscious since the dawn of time. When we eat we are immediately gratifying the pleasure center of our brain. This list is my favorite places not to be sexy, but to explore how food can be sexy and how it should heighten your culinary pleasure center in your brain, soul and body. Food is more than just nutrition: It should awaken your senses. It should make you want to rub, to engorge, to saute…yes, even saute.

Cooking terms as sexual references. Kinsey would be so proud of me.

Here’s the list…The only other thing I can state is that these can all be finger foods. They should be finger foods. Now eat and get your mind into the gutter…this time it’s appropriate. Just remember to practice safe food.

Yikes. I like a good meal as much as the next guy, but eating doesn’t rise to the level of sex in my mind. Yet another reason to believe sexual repression, especially the unusual, severe sexual repression one finds in Anglo America only throws other parts of the human psyche out of balance. Namely, the appetites of hungry, hungry hippos grazing the landscape from sea to shining sea.

Presto! The fattest nation in the history of the planet. And, on a related note, one of the least sexually gratified. Deny the id one of the most powerful human instincts, and watch people do strange things. Like eat until they literally develop diabetes and heart disease.

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  • The only mistake is that 49% of Americans are obese. 49% are obese that’s a national emergency.


  • You nailed it with this column. America is the land of Prohibitions, really. And when the people turn to opoids? Well, that has to be crushed. It would be smarter to just legalize drugs and prostituion. Much smarter. Money and lives saved. Millions of them. And a healthier society too. Maybe help give women the gigantic attitude adjustment that is coming one day soon.


  • fuzziewuzziebear

    You may have given me the answer that I have been seeking as to why there is less demand from women for sex than from men. They have found substitutes. Food and the gratification that can be gained from social media being the primary culprits. This has made a mess of the sexual marketplace.


  • Well, that might explain some of the reactions I get from the women I’ve talked with about chocolate. They’ll go on about how much they love chocolate. They describe themselves as *needing* it. So I tried to clarify, “Surly, you don’t *actually* need it. Not ‘literally’. You’re using extravagant language. You just like chocolate a lot, but you could go without for a while.” They all responded, “Nope, I *need* it.” They were deadly serious. There’s no difference between a bit of chocolate each day and oxygen.

    I thought it was pitifully stupid and all I could do is shut up and move the conversation on.

    (Yes, you guessed it. These are single or divorced 30-35 women.)


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